Wednesday, June 17, 2009

wishes granted thru what u learn from urself

what is the difference between me and the person created in all the info about myself i transmit thru my phone? or computer?

my frend talking about kids coming up today constantly constructed thru digital persona, its a very powerful tool for self realization, make it urself because everything in society negates u. in school i didn't pay attention in class, just wrote in my journals, all thru all the classes i could get away with it in, still passed because i'm smart, now i understand what i was doing, writing a book, but the white man english teacher

i once gave him a zine of mine with mostly poetry, all true, he said "just because its about something painful doesn't make it good poetry," no joke. i was writing about my life.

once he surveyed us in ap english class, 11th grade, about our exposure to arts and culture, me: so talented that my kindergarten painting won a traveling contest through all texas art museums, the survey existed to make me ashamed for not having the exposure,

it took college to give me the analysis for that, the only weird girl, poor mixed trash in the class, everyone else was white living right on the lake, no one from my neighborhood in that class,

otherwise maybe i would have stayed repressed and self-hating, took nervous breakdowns, decompensations back into crazy to give me the language for this

i had exposure that i had always been having thru the internet, i had to think hard about untwisting this knot in my stomach, the digital divide, how did we get on the internet? my dad drove a busted caprice three days from texas to drop off a computer to our apartment and every grocery store had 25 free hours of aol on discs at the exit, we worked it out, i never thought about it but what did my mom use the comp for? i know what i used it for, now

studies show that youth use the internet to supplement their education by doing extensive research into areas that they can't get at school- when i saw the study i was like oh yeah thats what i did, got on the internet and got way into life saving self publishing with other adolescent/teen girls healing from violence and abuse. now high school kids at the alt high school in my hometown can get credit for doing online classes. studies show that women who write give themselves better health, what would happen if we push the shifting; if all creativity is pushed out of school, work and public life, what would happen if u could get ur degree making art, zines, crafting a difital prescence? or get paid to heal in traditional ways and creative ways? if all the work u did to heal urself or tell ur story was valued?

if making the truth is what u have to do